


fade away like every other day

by rwdaf



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 3:00 am - Finding Hope, Angst, Emotional Hurt, Heartbreak, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 04:18:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13896093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rwdaf/pseuds/rwdaf
Summary: inspired by 3:00 am by Finding Hope.





	fade away like every other day

**Author's Note:**

> this is unedited because i don't feel the greatest and can't be bothered to edit or ask someone

The bitter winds nipped at his skin as he climbed his way onto the roof of the building he lived in. Numbness was all he could feel in his fingers making it difficult to bend them, and when he so managed to do so, it hurt. It wasn’t a deep pain but more like the pain you would feel when your foot falls asleep. That pins and needles sensation they call it; one that fades not long after like it was never there.

Taking a deep breath, he made his way onto the roof and looked over the city from there. Despite lights being on from buildings and street lamps, he knew it was a dead city while everyone lay in their beds in a deep slumber. Dreams of gold and laughter and the pleasant feeling of having no worries  danced in their heads, others weren’t so pleasant. Some dream of their worries, their shameful past and they had hoped when they closed their eyes to sleep they would have a break. Children dreamt of monsters that terrorized them. Monsters that would disappear when they opened their eyes but leave them scared. Things they would learn don't exist and couldn’t harm them.

One person he knew for sure was wake awake in the quiet city was the person who is why he’s on the roof. Listening to the thud of his boots on the ground below him, he walked towards the edge, knowing to stay back enough so he wouldn’t fall. Despite a guard being up around the edge, he didn’t want to be taking risks so late at night.

The moon shone bright thanks to the sun’s light reflecting off of it, casting a dim shadow to the side of him. Sighing, he brushed his hair from his eyes, which was as dark as the midnight sky while his complexion was pale. The dark and the cold combined gave him a blue tint in his skin The leather on his jacket felt raw with the wind and the rips in his jeans allowed more exposure to the cold.  

Biting his lip he reached into his pocket to grab a piece of silver lighter with an engraving in the side of it. _D. H._ He despised it now, but couldn’t bring himself to get rid of it. It would hurt him too much, more than he is already to get rid of this last piece of him. Sighing, he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and the lighter staring at it.

_“I promise Phil you’ll like it,” Dan said making sure Phil’s eyes remained closed. He gently placed a lighter in his hand. “Okay open ‘em.”_

_Opening his eyes, Phil’s eyes traveled down to the heaviness that laid in his hands. His eyes were met with a lighter, one silver and that shone bright in the light. He noticed on the side the letters ‘D.H’ had previously been engraved there. Smiling, he looked at up Dan, his eyes crinkling and his nose scrunched. “Thank you baby. I love it.”_

_“I just wanted you to have something that reminded you of me.” Dan said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head._

_Phil looked at him in adoration and smiled gently. “Dan, everything I look at reminds me of you.”_

Sighing, Phil placed a cigarette between his painfully chapped lips and lit it. Inhaling deeply, Phil could feel the warm toxins from the cigarette travel through his veins and spread throughout his body. Parting his lips he blew the smoke gently from his body, watching at is faded into the night around him.

Walking closer to the edge, Phil sat on the cold roof, sending shivers through his spine. His feet dangled and he leaned against the guard so he wouldn’t fall. Looking over the city, he saw street lights burn up and broken ones flicker. _Where are you Dan,_ he thought to himself. Dan had habits of fading in and out of Phil’s life before, usually it was only a couple of days on rare and worrying occasions it was longer than that. Phil had no idea where he would go or what he was doing. Dan would leave his phone behind so Phil had no way of getting in contact with him.

Phil had an outer shell barricade around himself. One that he used to protect himself from the world around him and to keep him from the painful agony of others. He was in nothing but a state of utter despair at this point. There was no hope in him anymore, as the outer shell started breaking slowly, even though he pleaded with himself to let there be something. He didn’t want to admit this was how it was gonna be. Phil looked to the sky, and started counting the stars in an attempt to find hope. Nothing worked, he tried everything he could think of.

Dan and him had been through this before. By this, it was Dan leaving because he didn’t think Phil loved him like he did Phil. Dan saw himself as nothing but simply a pawn in a Phil’s manipulate game. The game involving Phil having Dan wrapped around his finger, but it was false. There was no manipulation, Dan just couldn’t see that due to being hurt in the past from other people.

Grabbing his phone from his pocket he checked the time. _3:00am._ “Trying to find hope at three in the morning, new low,” he muttered to himself as he unlocked his phone and went to his contacts. His hands trembled as he stared at Dan’s contact with his thumb hovering over the phone icon to call him. Quickly he pressed call and placed the phone to his ear so he couldn’t back down now.

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Ring._

Phil sighed as all he was met with was a ringing that lead to Dan’s voicemail. “ _Hey this is Dan, leave a message.”_ Phil felt a pain pinging in his chest as he smiled desperately. He missed the sound of Dan’s voice. It reminded him of honey and warmth and more importantly it reminded him of home and now that feeling was gone.

“Uh hey Dan it’s me.” Phil started to chuckle slightly, “I- I know it’s three in the morning but I wanted to talk to you but you didn’t answer. Which only means you’re sleeping or you’re gone again, which I don’t want you to be.” Sighing Phil bit his lip and whispered into the phone, “Baby if I could tell you how much I care I would in a heartbeat. God I miss you Dan but you dropped off the face of the Earth and now I’m left in despair.”

Tears pooled in his eyes as he sniffled. “Just give me a chance Dan. A - a chance to say that I love you and that I need you more than ever. Please Dan, I’m begging you. I’m tired of you fading in and out of my life. I want you and only you, and - and I’ll keep trying and I’ll keep thinking of what we could be until you tell me to leave you alone forever.” Tears silently rushed down his cheeks, the trails from his tears stinging from the wind. “Bye Dan. I love you so damn much.” He whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this!!
> 
> Follow me on tumblr @iwilliftheyinsist


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